"Guide To Aussie Life 2" joke

The wise man chooses a partner who is attractive not only to himself, but to the mosquitoes.
If it can't be fixed with pantyhose and fencing wire, it's not worth fixing.
The most popular and widely praised family in any street is the one that has the swimming pool.
It's considered better to be down on your luck than up yourself.
The phrase "we've got a great lifestyle" means everyone in the family drinks too much.
If invited to a party, you should take cheap red wine and then spend all night drinking the host's beer. (Don't worry, he'll have catered for it).
If there's any sort of free event or party within a hundred kilometres, you'd be a mug not to go.
The phrase "a simple picnic" is not known. You should take everything you own. If you don't need to make three trips back to the car, you're not trying.
Unless ethnic or a Pom, you are not permitted to sit down in your front yard, or on your front porch. Pottering about, gardening or leaning on the fence is acceptable. Just don't sit. That's what backyards are for.
The tarred road always ends just after the house of the local mayor.
On picnics, the Esky is always too small, creating a food versus grog battle that can only ever be solved by leaving the food behind.