"Happy Holidays!! from T.O.P." joke

I received a greeting card from the old perfesser (T. O. P.) a
couple of days AFTER Christmas, with an added note full of his
usual holiday cheer:

Dear PBen, MrsPBen, and all the Little PBen's,
I'm writing from my daughters' casa, where we came to spend the
holidays. I'm still not sure why MrsPerfesser made me leave our
warm, comfortable trailer this time of year, but here we are.
This hasn't been my best Christmas, I can tell you that... silly
daughter and That Danged Thing She Calls A Husband bought me a 12
month gift membership to Weight Watchers! The nerve... if they
weren't holding my Grandbaby hostage, I think I'd change my will
and leave the Trailer to somebody more deserving, like the parking
lot sweeper over at Valdoster U.
Well, I got them back, at least a little. I got that sumbitchin'
son-in-law his OWN membership, in the Fruitcake Of The Month Club!
HAH! He'll never call me THAT again! And my daughter? Hehehee,
you shoulda seen the look on her face when she opened the "Monica
Gift Set", complete with cigar, beret, and stain remover!
But, just to show them I can be bigger than they are, I got' em
something nice too - a ten dollar gift certificate to McDonalds.
At least I know they'll have SOMETHING edible after we leave this
place!
I'm not sure what I'm gonna do with MrsPerfesser... after I went
out and spent all that money [1] on her for a ride-on vacuum
cleaner,' stead of the usual Eau de Pew she asks me to pick up
for her, what does she give me? A book! One stoopid book! And
WHAT stoopid book, you ask? "A Guide To Marital Happiness"!!
Sheesh, like she really thinks she's gonna change me NOW?!?
Well, as you can see, you MUSTA had a better Christmas than I did,
even if it is cold and snowy up in your neck o' the woods! I'm
sure your fambly takes much better care of you than mine does.
Fleece Navidad!
(heh, I love the "101 Sheep Jokes" book you sent!)
The Old Perfesser