"Heaven Help Us" joke
Three men die and go to heaven.
When they get to the pearly gates, St. Peter asks them each one question: "How many times have you cheated on your wife?"
The first one answers "Never!"
St. Peter checks the books, discovers the man is correct and gives him a Rolls-Royce to drive during his stay in heaven.
The second man answers "Oh, about 25-30 times."
He is given a Ford Pinto and sent on his way.
The third man answers "Maybe 400-500 times" and is assigned a bicycle.
A few months later, the three meet up and the Pinto driver, and the bicycle rider notice the Rolls-Royce man has a long drawn-out sad look on his face.
Puzzled, the other two query him as to "why the sad face?".Mr. Rolls just looked at them and said, "I just saw my wife, she was on a skateboard!"
A guy steps into an elevator and there's just one attractive woman in it.
He turns around to push the button for his floor and his elbow bumps right into her breast.
He says, "Oh, I'm so sorry. If your heart is as soft as your breast, I hope you'll be able to more...
A mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period. Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.
The more...
There's a Space Shuttle mission to the moon with 2 monkeys and a woman on board.
The headquarters in the US calls:"Monkey #1, Monkey #1 report to comms for instructions."
He sits down and he is told to release the pressure in compartment 1, increase the more...
A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full more...
What is the definition of eternity?
Four blondes in four cars at a four way intersection.