"Helpful Hints for the Inexperienced Travele" joke

* Be very suspicious if the advertised price of a Caribbean cruise includes the phrase "Free Ammo"

* There is no legitimate reason for a travel agent to need to know if you have experience in jungle warfare.

* Do not board a cruise ship if passengers are being issued oars.

* Legitimate travel agents do not dress in foreign military uniforms.

* In South America, say no to anyone wanting you to deliver a suitcase of powdered sugar to their grandmother in Miami.

* Consider very carefully visiting a country where the license plate motto is "Die American Pig"