"Houses" joke
One day Peyton Manning dies and goes to heaven. Upon arrival, he's given a nice sized house, and a few of his trophies and some Colts apparel is set up around the house to honor his days as a QB.
One day, as he's walking along the golden streets, he hears the news that Ben Roethlisberger has died. As he looks up, he sees this ridiculously large mansion-a big, BIG mansion. The building is completely decked out and covered in Ben Roethlisberger banners and flags and paraphanelia. Peyton is a little put out, so he goes to see God.
"God," he says when he meets him, "I don't think this is very fair. I mean, I WAS the better Quarterback. Just look at my record and my stats! Do you think it's fair that he gets all that and I just get a little house?"
God simply smiles and chuckles a little before shaking his head. "Peyt," he says, "That's not Ben Roethlisberger's house. That's MY house."
Q: What's the worst trick you can do to your blind brother?
A: Leave the plunger in the toilet
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few more...
The final word on nutrition and health.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer more...