"How To Tell That It's Going To Be A Bad Day" joke

You wake up face down on the pavement.
You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.
You see a '60 Minutes' news team waiting in your office.
Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
You want to put the clothes on you wore home from the party
but find there aren't any.
Your twin brother forgot your birthday.
You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes
from the city.
Your car horn accidentally goes off and remains stuck as
you follow a group of Hells Angels along a deserted highway.
You wake to discover your waterbed has sprung a leak and
then realize you don't have a waterbed.
Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.
The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.
You call your answering service and you're told to mind
your own business.
Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.
Your tax refund check bounces.
You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
Your pet rock snaps at you.
Your wife says "Good Morning, Bill" and your name is
George.