"JULIE ANDREWS" joke

To commemorate her 69th birthday on October 1, actress/vocalist Julie
Andrews made a special appearance at Manhattan's Radio City Music Hall
for the benefit of the AARP. One of the musical numbers she performed
was "My Favorite Things" from the legendary movie "Sound Of Music."
However, the lyrics of the song were deliberately changed for the
entertainment of her "blue hair" audience. Here are the lyrics she
recited:

Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting, Walkers and handrails
and new dental fittings, Bundles of magazines tied up with string, These
are a few of my favorite things.

Cadillac's, cataracts, hearing aids and glasses, Polident, Fixodent and
dentures and glasses, Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the pipes leak,
When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets, and corn pads for bunions, No spicy hot food or
food cooked with onions, Bathrobes and heat pads and hot meals they
bring, These are a few of my favorite things.

Back pains, confused brains, and no fear of sinnin,' Thin bones and
fractures and hair that is thinnin', And we won't mention our short
shrunken frames, when we remember our favorite things.

When the joints ache,

When the hips break,

When the eyes grow dim,

THEN I REMEMBER THE GREAT LIFE I'VE HAD, AND THEN I DON'T FEEL SO BAD.

Ms. Andrews received a standing ovation from the crowd that lasted over
four minutes and repeated encores.