"Johnny Stories" joke

A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by
his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a
man,
I need a man!" Over the next couple of months, he saw her
doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard
her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of
her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw
himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I
need a bike! I need a bike!"
__________________________________________________
A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her
fourth grade class because she realizes Little Johnny's propensity
for sexual innuendo. But Johnny remains attentive throughout the
entire lecture. Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the teacher
asks for examples of sex education from the class. One little boy
raises his hand, "I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs." "Very
good, William," cooed the teacher. "My mommy had a baby," said little
Esther. "Oh, that's nice," replied the teacher. Finally, little
Johnny raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation, the teacher
calls on him. "I was watchin' TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone Ranger.
He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians. And
they all attacked at one time. And he killed every one of them with
his two guns." The teacher was relieved but puzzled, "And what does
that have to do with sex education, Johnny?" "It'll teach those
Indians not to fuck with the Lone Ranger."
__________________________________________________
Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can
little girls have babies?" "No," said his mom, "of course not."
Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his
friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"
__________________________________________________

Little Johnny asks his mother how old she is. Her reply is,
"Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question." Johnny then asks his
mother how much she weighs. Again the mother's reply is,
Again the mother's reply is, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."
The boy then asks, "Why did daddy leave you?" To this, the mother says,
"you shouldn't ask that" and then sends him to his room. On the way to
his room, the boy trips over his mother's purse. When he picks it up,
her driver's license falls out. The boy looks it over and goes back to
his mother saying, "I know all about you now. You are 36 years old,
weigh 127 pounds and daddy left you because you got an' F' in sex!!!"
__________________________________________________
At Sunday school, the teacher asked little Johnny,;
"Do you know where little boys and girls go when they do bad things?"
"Sure," little Johnny replied. "They go out in back of the church yard."
__________________________________________________
A few days after Christmas, a mother working in her kitchen was
listening to her little Johnny playing with his new electric train in
the adjoining room. She heard the train stop and the son said,
"All you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off right now,' cause
this is the last stop... and all of you sons of bitches who are getting
on, get your asses in the goddam train' cause we're leaving."
The mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of
language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room for two
hours and think about what you said, and when you come out you may
play with your train again, but I want you to use much nicer language."

Two hours later, the son came out of his bedroom and resumed playing
with the train. Soon the train stopped and mother heard her son say,
"All passengers who are disembarking, please remember to take all of
your belongings with you. Thank you for riding with us today and we
hope you will ride with us again soon. For those of you boarding, we
ask you to stow your hand luggage under the seat. Remember please that
there is no smoking except in the Club Car. We hope you will have a
pleasant relaxing journey with us today. For those of you who are
pissed off because of the two hour delay, please see the ugly
stinkin' bitch in the kitchen!"