"Joy’s Of Being Married" joke

I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary? ”
She said, “Somewhere I have never been! ”
I told her, “How about the kitchen? ”

“We always hold hands; because when I let go, She shops. ”
If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it will always be yours.
If it doesn’t come back, it was never yours to begin with.
BUT, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money and doesn’t appear to realize that you had set it free, you either married it, or gave birth to it.
A Successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles, and lighten your burden.
Boy: It’s very kind of you, darling. But I don’t have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that’s because we aren’t married yet.
A man was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter’s birthday and he hadn’t bought her a present. He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and asked the store manager “How much is that new Barbie in the window? ”
The Manager replied, “Which one? We have ‘Barbie goes to the gym’ for $19. 95… ‘ Barbie goes to the Ball’ for $19. 95…’Barbie goes shopping’ for $19. 95… ‘Barbie goes to the beach’ for $19. 95… ‘Barbie goes to a Nightclub’ for $19. 95… and ‘Divorced Barbie’ for $375. 00”
“Why is the Divorced Barbie $375. 00, when all the others are $19. 95? ” Dad asked surprised.
“Divorced Barbie comes with Ken’s car, Ken’s House, Ken’s boat, Ken’s Dog, Ken’s cat and Ken’s Furniture. ”