"Laws For Parents" joke

A child’s behavior will improve in proportion to the distance she is away from the parent.
Two is equal to two, except when referring to time. Two minutes of tantrum lasts 20 times as long as two minutes of quiet time.
The choice of a preschooler’s best friend corresponds directly to the distance the friend lives from your house.
The chance of a surprise visit by your parents-in-law is directly proportional to the size of the mess in your home.
A child will always eat exactly what she has loved for the past year-unless it is the only food in the fridge.
The ease with which a toddler acquires the ability to say a word increases with its likelihood to embarrass a sailor.
When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class. . .
.. . aimed at couples who had already had at least one child.
The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this:
“Some parents, ” she said, “tell the older child, ‘We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family. ’ “But think about that Ladies. What would you say if your husband came home one day and said, ‘Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife? ’”
One of the women spoke up immediately. “Does she cook? ”