"MILK REACTIONS" joke

Here are the reactions when somebody leaves a glass of milk next to the keyboard.
Optimist:
The glass is half full.
Pessimist:
The glass is half empty.
Apple Computer:
You guys really oughta be drinking Perrier.
Assembly programmers:
No thanks; I drink straight from the cow.
Basic programmers:
No thanks; I'm still breast feeding.
Bill Gates:
Not enough market share to be Microsoft Milk.
C Programmers:
No thanks; I drink straight from the jug.
CIA:
What makes you think that's milk?
National news media:
Hey, we wanted OJ!
Non-procedural language programmers:
I drank it when nobody was looking.
NSA:
We know what it really is.
Paranoid:
Here is a glass just sitting here. Why? Who put it here? WHY WHY WHY!!! SOMEONE IS TRYING TO KILL ME!!!!!
Pascal programmers:
Well, what type of milk is it?
Pentium users:
I drank Glass *. 49999999. . . but don't hold me to that.
Prolog programmers:
I know I drank it - just don't ask me how.
Copy protection crazies:
Somebody drank half my milk and didn't pay for it!
Faith-healer:
If we worship it, it will feel better.
Feminist:
How come HIS glass is bigger than MINE?
Free Software Foundation:
That milk is the cow's contribution to all mankind!
Futurist:
The milk's in the wrong half of the glass.
Fuzzy logic guys:
I may or may not have drunk some part of that milk.
IBM:
Rent the glass from us and we'll fill it with something we know is good for you.
Idealist:
In a descent world, this glass would be filled to the brim and big enough for everyone to enjoy.
IRS:
Thanks for getting your milk witholding correct this year.
Mac users:
Where's my pump?
MIS:
I'LL DRINK IT IF YOU CAN GIVE ME UNTIL NEXT YEAR.
Schroedinger:
That stupid cat got into the milk again!
Security consultant:
Where'd the rest of the milk go?
Shareware game author:
That glass is free; the next one you have to pay for.
UI designers:
What's that crap in my glass?
UNIX users:
Nahh. . . too easy.
Windows users:
Where's my straw?