"Marriage Quotes 1" joke

In a great romance, each person plays a part the other really likes. - Elizabeth Ashley
Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success. - Jim Backus
No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman. - Honore de Balzac
Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debting. - Ray Bandy
Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it. - Baskins
I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting. - Milton Berle, when called to the microphone at the 2nd Annual Comedians Hall of Fame Inductions
Love: a temporary insanity often curable by marriage. - Ambrose Bierce
The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity. - Ambrose Bierce
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. - David Bissonette
Ah Mozart! He was happily married - but his wife wasn't. - Borge
In the blithe days of honeymoon, With Kate's allurements smitten, I lov'd her late, I lov'd her soon, And call'd her dearest kitten.
But now my kitten's grown a cat, And cross like other wives. O! By my soul my honest Mat, I fear she has nine lives. - James Boswell "Life of Johnson"
A sweetheart is a bottle of wine, a wife is a wine bottle. - Boudelaire
For a male and female to live continuously together is...biologically speaking, an extremely unnatural condition. - Robert Briffault
My mother-in-law broke up my marriage. My wife came home from work one day and found me in bed with her. - Lenny Bruce
Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. Yeah. Just flat out and she'll believe it: "I'm tellin' ya." This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck 'Lay on Top of Me Or I'll Die.' I didn't know what I was gonna do..." - Lenny Bruce
Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back. - Al Bundy
Nothing says lovin' like marrying your cousin! - Al Bundy
Once a boy becomes a man, he's a man all his life, but a woman is only sexy until she becomes your wife. - Al Bundy
I hate work. That's why I got married. - Peg Bundy
I just want what every married woman wants, someone besides her husband to sleep with. - Peg Bundy
The only thing that holds a marriage together is the husband bein' big enough to keep his mouth shut, to step back and see where his wife is wrong. - Archie Bunker
In matrimony, to hesitate is sometimes to be saved. - Butler
If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry. - Chekhov
Marriage is an adventure, like going to war. - G. K. Chesterton
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her. - Agatha Christie
The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. - S. T. Coleridge