"Men & Marriage One-Liners 3" joke

Why do men talk so dirty?
So they can wash their mouth out with beer.

How many men does it take to put the toilet seat down?
Nobody knows. It’s never happened.

Why did God create women?
He realized he made a mistake the first time.

What has eight arms and an I. Q. of 60?
Four men watching a football game.

What do you call a woman without an asshole?
Divorced.

Why do so many women fake orgasms?
Because so many men fake foreplay.

Why did the tribes in Israel wander the desert for forty years?
Because even back then, men wouldn’t stop to ask directions.

What’s a man’s idea of helping with the housework?
Lifting his legs so she can vacuum.

What’s the difference between a man and childbirth?
One is an almost unbearable pain and the other involves having a baby.

Why do men tend to name their penises?
They want to be on a first name basis with anything that makes 95% of their decisions for them.

Husband: “Want a quickie? ”
Wife: “As opposed to what? ”

How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same, but you get the remote.