"Men & Marriage One-Liners 5" joke

Husband: “Shall we try a different position tonight? ”
Wife: “That’s a good idea…. you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart. ”

What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

What have men and floor tiles got in common?
If you lay them properly the first time, you can walk all over them for life.

If men can run the world, why can’t they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?

Why do bald guy’s have holes in their pockets?
So they can run their fingers through their hair.

What do men and diapers have in common?
They are always on your ass and full of shit.

I married Mister Right. I just didn’t know his first name was Always.

Losing a husband can be hard. In my case, it was damned near impossible.

Why do men call women birds?
Because of all the worms we pick up.

Husband: “Will you love me when I grow old and overweight? ”
Wife: “Yes I do. ”

Why do doctors slap babies’ butts right after they’re born?
To knock the penises off the smart ones.

Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
When it’s time to go back to childhood, he’s already there.

Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
Just when it’s getting interesting, they’re finished until next time.

Diamonds are a girl’s best friends. Dogs are man’s best friend. So which is the dumber sex?

Ever notice how many of women’s problems can be traced to the male gender? MENstruation, MENopause, MENtal breakdown, GUYnecology, HIMmorrhoids