"Men & Marriage One-Liners 9" joke

How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
He buys 2 cases of beer instead of one.

Why do men have a hole in their penis?
So they can think with an open mind.

Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell!

What do Lifesavers do that a man can’t?
Come in eight flavors.

How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
All he’s concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.

How is being at a singles bar different than being at the circus?
At the circus the clowns don’t talk.

Why do women live longer than men?
Someone has to stick around and clean up the mess after them.

Guy, naked in front of the mirror: ‘Two inches more, and I would be king! ” Wife: ‘Two inches less, and you’d be queen! ”

Why is food better than men?
Because you don’t have to wait an hour for seconds.

What’s the difference between pregnant women and men?
One has morning sickness, the other has morning stiffness.

The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old for it.

Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

If you want a committed man look in a mental hospital.

If he asks you if you’re faking it tell him no, you’re just practicing.

Sadly, all men are created equal.

When he asks you if he’s your first tell him, “You may be, you look familiar. ”

The main point of having a boyfriend is so that he can one day graduate to the exalted status of a “former boyfriend. ”

The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.

I still miss my ex-husband, but my aim is improving.