"More Quips & Quotes" joke

Knowledge without insight is like a horse in the library.
If Teddy Roosevelt were alive today, he probably would have said, "Walk softly and carry an Uzi." Sadly, we'll never know. -Lev L. Spiro
Change is not made without inconvenience, even from worse to better. -Richard Hooker
A great way for to lose weight is to eat naked in front of a mirror. Restaurants will almost always throw you out before you can eat too much. -Frank Varano
Nondeterminism means never having to say you are wrong.
Brooke's Law: Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.
Some people reach the top of the ladder of success only to find it is leaning against the wrong wall.
Flon's Law: There is not now, and never will be, a language in which it is the least bit difficult to write bad programs.
It's easy to identify people who can't count to ten. They're in front of you in the supermarket express lane. -June Henderson
Preudhomme's Law of Window Cleaning: It's on the other side.
Be careful of your thoughts: They may become words at any moment.
There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress. -Mark Twain
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute. -Josh Billings
Love is sentimental measles.
Put your Nose to the Grindstone! -Amalgamated Plastic Surgeons and Toolmakers, Ltd.
New Year's Eve is the time of year when a man most feels his age, and his wife most often reminds him to act it. -Webster's Unafraid Dictionary
We learn from experience. A man never wakes up his second baby just to see it smile. -Grace Williams
Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest. -Rev. Larry Lorenzoni
The more we disagree, the more chance there is that at least one of us is right.
In defeat, unbeatable; in victory, unbearable. -Winston Curchill, of Montgomery
May your Tongue stick to the Roof of your Mouth with the Force of a Thousand Caramels.
Heaven goes by favor, if it went by merit, you would stay out, and your dog would go in. -Mark Twain
Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
We really don't have any enemies. It's just that some of our best friends are trying to kill us.
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. -Henny Youngman
Thanx to Keith's Mostly Clean Humor & Weird (McHaw) List.