"More of Murphy's Laws" joke

Source: Colleague at Wash. Dept. of Info. Services, Olympia, Washington
o Trust everybody... then cut the cards.
o Two wrongs are only the beginning.
o If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
o To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
o Exceptions prove the rule... and wreck the budget.
o Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
o Quality assurance doesn't.
o The tough part of a Data Processing Manager's job is that users don't really
know what they want, but they know for certain what they don't want.
o Exceptions always outnumber rules.
o To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
o No one is listening until you make a mistake.
o He who hesitates is probably right.
o The ideal resume will turn up one day after the position is filled.
o If something is confidential, it will be left in the copier machine.
o One child is not enough, but two children are far too many.
o A clean tie attracts the soup of the day.
o The hardness of the butter is in direct proportion to the softness of the
bread.
o The bag that breaks is the one with the eggs.
o When there are sufficient funds in the checking account, checks take two
weeks to clear. When there are insufficient funds, checks clear overnight.
o The book you spent $20.95 for today will come out in paperback tomorrow.
o The more an item costs, the farther you have to send it for repairs.
o You never want the one you can afford.
o Never ask the barber if you need a haircut or a salesman if his is a good
price.
o If it says, "one size fits all," it dosen't fit anyone.
o You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
o The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
o Love letters, business contracts and money due you always arrive three
weeks late, whereas junk mail arrives the day it was sent.
o When you drop change at a vending machine, the pennies will fall nearby,
while all other coins will roll out of sight.
o The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
o Experience is somthing you don't get until just after you need it.
o Life can be only understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.
o Interchangeable parts won't.
o No matter which way you go, it's uphill and against the wind.
o If enough data is collected, anything may be proven by statistical methods.
o Work is accomplished by those employees who have not reached their level of
incompetence.
o Progress is made on alternative Fridays.
o No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in
session.
o The hidden flaw never remains hidden.
o As soon as the stewardess serves the coffee, the airline re-encounters
turbulence.
o For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
o People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either of
them being made.
o A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
o When reviewing your notes for a test, the most important ones will be
illegible.
o A free agent is anything but.
o The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish.
o Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
o The one item you want is never the one on sale.
o The telephone will ring when you are outside the door, fumbling for your
keys.
o If only one price can be obtained for a quotation, the price will be
unreasonable.