"New Computer Virus Alerts" joke

This is deadly serious, so don't ignore it. Several new viruses have been discovered and are wreaking havoc throughtout the national system. Beware of...
THE AL GORE Virus...(causes your computer to just keep counting and counting)
THE CLINTON Virus(gives you a 7-inch hard drive with no memory)
THE BOB DOLE Virus(makes a new hard drive out an old floppy)
THE LEWINSKY Virus(Sucks all the memory out of computer, then emails everone about what it did)
THE RONALD REAGAN Virus(saves your data, but forgets where it is stored)
THE MIKE TYSON Virus(Quits after two bytes)
THE OPRAH WINFREY Virus(your 300 mb hard drive shrinks to 100 mb, then slwoly expands to restabilize around araound 200 mb)
THE JACK KEVORKIAN Virus(deletes all old files)
THE ELLEN DEGENERES Virus(disks can no longer be inserted)
THE PROZAC Virus(totally screws up your RAM, but processors doesn't care)
THE JOE BUTTAFUOCO Virus(only attacks minor files)
THE ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER Virus(terminates some files, leaves, but will be back)
and the worst of all
THE LORENA BOBBIT Virus (reformats your hard drive into a 3. 5 inch floppy, then discards it through Windows)