"New Computer Viruses!" joke

John Bobbit Virus-
Removes a vital part of your hard disk and then re-attaches it. (But it will never work again.)
•Oprah Winfrey Virus-
Your 850 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 200 MB, and then slowly expands back to 850 MB.
•Politically Correct Virus-
Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic micro-organism".
•Right to Life Virus-
Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.
•Government Economist Virus-
Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
•Federal Bureaucrat Virus-
Divides your hard disk into thousands of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.
•AT&T Virus-
Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
•MCI Virus- Every 3 minutes it reminds you that you are paying too much for the AT&T Virus.
•Sprint Virus-
Every 3 minutes it tells you that it's better than the AT&T and MCI Virus.
•PBS Virus-
Your computer stops every few minutes to ask for money.
•Health Care Virus-
Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong with it, and sends you a bill for $4,500.
•New York Jets Virus-
Makes your Pentium II 266 MHz computer perform like a 12 MHz 286 computer.
•LAPD Virus-
It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in "self-defense".
•O.J. Virus-
Claims that it did not, could not, and would not delete two of your most important files and vows to find the virus that did it.
•Ross Perot Virus-
Activates every component in your system, just before the whole damn thing quits.
•Ted Turner Virus-
Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
•Dan Quayle Virus-
Their is sumthing rong wit your're komputer, we jsut can't figyour out watt.