"New Computer Viruses!" joke

New Computer Viruses!
John Bobbit Virus- Removes a vital part of your hard disk and then re-attaches it. (But it will never work again.)
•Oprah Winfrey Virus- Your 850 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 200 MB, and then slowly expands back to 850 MB.
•Politically Correct Virus- Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic micro-organism".
•Right to Life Virus- Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.
•Government Economist Virus- Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
•Federal Bureaucrat Virus- Divides your hard disk into thousands of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.
•AT&T Virus- Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
•MCI Virus- Every 3 minutes it reminds you that you are paying too much for the AT&T Virus.
•Sprint Virus- Every 3 minutes it tells you that it's better than the AT&T and MCI Virus.
•PBS Virus- Your computer stops every few minutes to ask for money.
•Health Care Virus- Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong with it, and sends you a bill for $4,500.
•LAPD Virus- It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in "self-defense".
•O.J. Virus- Claims that it did not, could not, and would not delete two of your most important files and vows to find the virus that did it.
•Ross Perot Virus- Activates every component in your system, just before the whole damn thing quits.
•Ted Turner Virus- Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
•Dan Quayle Virus- Their is sumthing rong wit your're komputer, we jsut can't figyour out watt.