"New Rules For Indian Cricket" joke

1) Declaring the winner: If Pakistan bats first and scores x runs then
the target for India will be revised to x/2. They need to score (x/2)+1
runs to be declared winner. If India bats first then the number of overs
for Pakistan will be reduced to 25. Even after these modifications India
contrive to lose, they will be awarded psychological victory.
2) Fielding restrictions: When India is fielding, as soon as any fielder
touches the ball, it will be deemed as dead ball and Pakistan batsmen
will only be allowed to complete that run. This modification is being
done to eliminate time being wasted for overthrows etc.
3) By popular demand from Indian players, a few additional coaches have
been included in the touring party with immediate effect. They are,
Batting coach: Ravi Shastri
Bowling Coach(with experience in Sharjah conditions): Chetan
Sharma
Fielding Coach: Ravi Shastri(Dual responsibility)
TV Commercials Coach: Salman Khan
Video Coach: Name will be announced later
4) As the deadline to submit final 15 players for the 1999 World Cup is
over, the result of the match on 18th April between 1983 Indian team and
the current team will not have any bearing on the team going to England.
Any other suggestions are welcome. We at the ICC would like to
ascertain again our commitment to spread the game of cricket globally, from Mozambique to Maldives and from Turkmenistan to Tibet.
Thanking You.
Yours Sincerely,
Jagmohan Dalmiya