Winner Jokes

You all know about the Darwin Awards - It's an annual honor given to the person who did the
gene pool the biggest service by killing/injuring themselves in the most extraordinarily
stupid way.
The 1995 winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top
of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it.
In 1996 the winner was an air force sergeant who attached a JATO (rocket) unit to his car
and crashed into a cliff several hundred feet above the roadbed.
And now, the 1997 winner: Larry Waters of Los Angeles -- one of the few Darwin winners to
survive his award-winning accomplishment. Larry's boyhood dream was to fly. When he
graduated from high school, he joined the Air Force in hopes of becoming a pilot.
Unfortunately, poor eyesight disqualified him. When he was finally discharged, he had to
satisfy himself with watching jets fly over his backyard.
One day, Larry, had a bright idea. He more...

The winner of the rat race is still a rat.

Child: Why Are All These People Running? Father: Its A Race. The Winner Will Get The Cup. Child: If Only The Winner Will Get The Cup, Why Are Others Running???

Jack is waiting for the lottery draw one week and
can't believe his luck. Six numbers, the jackpot
and he's the only winner. He phones the lottery
organizers who invite him down to an award ceremony.
So there he is, at the press conference with the
photographers and the oversized novelty check etc...
when a lottery spokesman pulls him aside. "Jack",
he says, "we're having a bit of trouble with the
prizes this week". "What's that", Jack asks. "Well,
a hell of a lot of people had three and four numbers
and we're really short on cash because of it. Now I
know we're meant to be given you the whole 10
million today but, and here me out, how about we
give you 4 million this week, 3 million the week
after, then 2 million the week after that and we'll
give you the other million in the fourth week. How
does that sound?"
Jack stops and says, "Look if your going to screw
around more...

...after widespread corruption and voter fraud were found in Afghanistan's recent presidential election, the United States has sent over a delegation from the Florida Board of Elections to do another recount and certify a winner. The challenger Abdullah Abdullah has quit the race in protest. The recount was completed, and George Bush has been declared the winner.