"New and unabridged" joke

The Washington Post's "Style Invitational" asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Foreploy:
any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex.
Doltergeist:
a spirit that decides to haunt someplace stupid, such as your septic tank.
Giraffiti:
vandalism spray-painted very, very high, such as the famous "Surrender Dorothy" on the Beltway overpass.
Sarchasm:
the gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn't get it.
Impotience:
eager anticipation by men awaiting their Viagra prescription.
Reintarnation:
coming back to life as a hillbilly.
DIOS:
the one true operating system.
Inoculatte:
to take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Hipatitis:
terminal coolness.
Taterfamilias:
the head of the Potato Head family.
Osteopornosis:
a degenerate disease.
Karmageddon:
It's like, when everybody is sending off all these like really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a serious bummer.
Hindkerchief:
really expensive toilet paper; toilet paper at Buckingham palace.
Deifenestration:
to throw all talk of God out the window.
Acme:
a generic skin disease (alt: the *best* skin disease).
Dopeler effect:
the tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.