"Newfoundland Survival Kit" joke

Now that the summer is upon us, you might be considering a visit to Canada`s youngest province. Here are a few survial tips:

a) Memorize all of the jokes at this site. Every Newfoundlander will be impressed that you have taken the time to learn about our culture and can quote these jokes verbatum.

b) Always refer to a Newfoundlander as "Newfie", otherwise you will be considered snobbish.

c) Until you are more familiar with Newfoundland and it`s history stick to safe topics when talking to Newfoundladers. A good opening line might be: "I hear unemployment is high in Newfoundland" or "My brother Jack works with a Newfoundlander in Brooks Alberta".

d) Learn how to pronounce Newfoundland. Many Canadians pronounce Newfoundland as "Newf-And-Land", sort of like Understand. This won`t get you many friends. The correct pronunciation is "New-Fun-Lin". If you remember any of these tips, make sure it is this one.

e) Don`t visit a bar on Monday evening, it will be empty as everyone will be at home watching "This Hour Has 22 Minutes". Also look through the TV Guide to see if "Codco" is on, another good time to stay at home.

f) If you do visit a night club be sure to ask for Screech. You will insult the bartender by asking for anything else. Newfoundlanders are like the Scots when it comes to their national drink. It`s a fact the average Newfoundlander drinks Screech with every meal.

g) If you don`t get to visit Newfoundland, but meet a Newfoundlander during your visit to Toronto, remember to compliment him/her on the province. A good example would be: "Your from Newfoundland, I love the Maritimes, I visited Nova Scotia two years ago".

h) Memorize all of the jokes at this site. Every Newfoundlander will be impressed that you have taken the time to learn about our culture and can quote these jokes verbatum.