"Newspaper Headlines in the Year 2035" joke

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh
largest country in the world, California.
White minorities still trying to have English recognized as the
California's third language.
Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and
livestock.
Baby conceived naturally... Scientists stumped.
Authentic year 2000 "chad" sells at Sotheby's for $4.6 million.
Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American
Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan,
Syria, and Lebanon.)
Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least
ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported
legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
35 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.
Texas executes last remaining citizen.
Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants.
Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.
Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of Windows
so it crashes before installation is completed.
New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screw-drivers and
baseball bats must be registered by January 2036.