"Not-Quite-Famous Interview Lines" joke

Julius Caesar: My last job involved a lot of
office politics and back stabbing. I'd like to get away from all
that.
Jesse James: I can list among my experience and
skills: leadership, extensive travel, logistical organization,
intimate understanding of firearms, and a knowledge of security
measures at numerous banks.
Marie Antoinette: My management style has been
criticized, but I'd like to think of my self as a people person.
Joseph Guillotine: I can give your company a head
start on the competition.
Hamlet: My position was eliminated in a hostile
takeover.
Lucretia Borgia: My greatest accomplishment? After
I took over the department, our competition just seemed to drop out of
sight one by one.
Pandora: I can bring a lot to your company. I like
discovering new things.
Genghis Khan: My primary talent is downsizing. On
my last job I downsized my staff, my organization, and the populations
of several countries.
MacBeth: Would I go after my boss's job? Do I look
like the kind of guy who would knock off his boss for a promotion.
Lady Godiva: What do mean this isn't business casual?
Elvis: My last boss and I...say, are you going to
eat those fries.