"Notice to Employees (Includes Part Time Workers)" joke

Notice to Employees (Includes Part Time Workers)

SICKNESS
We will no longer accept your doctors statements as proof. We
believe if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to work.

LEAVE OF ABSENCE FOR SURGERY
We are no longer allowing this practice. As long as you are
employed here, you will need all of whatever you have and
should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as
you are, and to have anything removed would certainly make you
less than we bargained for. Anyone having operations will be
FIRED immediately.

PREGNANCY
In the event of extreme pregnancy, you will be allowed to go
to the first aid room when the pains are FIVE MINUTES apart.
IF it is false labor, you will have to take an hour's leave
without pay.

DEATH
This will be accepted as an excuse, BUT we would like two
weeks notice, as we feel it is your duty to teach someone your
job.

From,
THE MANAGEMENT