"OFF THE WIRE - News We Just Couldn't Pass Up" joke

A retired beer taster is suing a major Brazilian brewer which, he claims, is responsible for his becoming an alcoholic.
Three people in Thailand became seriously ill after eating soil from a temple compound that was said to possess magic therapeutic powers.
A polite thief apologized for stealing a London woman's car in a note saying he had to take his pregnant wife to the hospital.
Casinos in Atlantic City, N.J., accepted bogus $100 bills for a whole weekend till a sharp-eyed prostitute noticed and helped police bust the counterfeiters.
A Sri Lankan government official popped a bribe into his mouth when detectives pounced on him, then bit a policeman who tried to retrieve the money.
A young hummingbird that considered an 11-year-old California boy a likely nesting spot clung to his curly hair for three hours before teachers were able to pluck it free.
A would-be car thief in Hammond, La., who spotted an unlocked car with the motor running changed his mind in a hurry when he came face to face with the owner's 9-foot python.
The Internal Revenue Service center in northern Kentucky has been selling unused income-tax forms to be recycled into toilet paper.
A researcher says Fiji was populated by a race of cheerful, mountain-dwelling dwarfs before the arrival of the Melanesians, who are generally regarded as the South Pacific nation's first settlers.
New Delhi burglars dug a tunnel to rob a jeweler's shop but ended up in a washing-machine store next door.
Toronto art critics are going ape over paintings by Charles, a 440-pound gorilla that commands up to $585 a painting.
Compiled by Ivan Weiss
From The Seattle Times, Saturday, June 3, 1995