"Put on the Brakes" joke
There was an older man who`d married a younger woman. All was going well... except in the bedroom. He couldn`t last long enough to satisfy her. She said it didn`t matter but he knew it was getting her down. So he went to the doctor and asked for help.
The doctor said "Well, there`s one easy solution. Before you have intercourse with your wife, satisfy yourself first, that way you`ll last longer when you`re with her."
The next day the man gets a call from his wife while he`s at work. In a husky voice she tells him "I`m going to ravish you when you get home tonight. We`re going to have a mammoth sex session."
The man can`t concentrate on work for the rest of the day and finally 5: 30 comes round and he`s the first out of the office, eager to get back to his wife.
While driving he remembers his doctor`s advice. So he pulls over onto a quiet road. But he can`t just sit there in his car having a wank, so he decides he`ll lie under the car and pretend that he`s fixing the car.
He crawls under the car, closes his eyes, imagines his wife naked and starts wanking. After a while he feels something tugging at jeans and this voice says `Sir, this is the Police, would you mind telling us what you`re doing?`
Not wanting to lose this wonderful image of his wife he kept his eyes closed and said to the Policeman, `I`m just fixing the axle of my car`
To which the Policeman replied "Well, while you`re down there you`d better check the brakes as well, because your car has crashed into a tree half a mile down the road!"
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