"Quotes About Women" joke

As soon as a woman thinks sufficiently fast, one calls it intuition. -Barbro Alving
We women talk too much, nevertheless we only say half of what we know. -Nancy Astor
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base. -Dave Barry
I heard a man say that brigands demand your money or your life, whereas women require both. -Samuel Butler
Do you know why God withheld the sense of humor from women? So that we may love you instead of laugh at you. -Mrs. Patrick Campbell
The trouble with some women is they get all excited about nothing, and then they marry him. -Cher
Women want men, career, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love and cheap stockings that don't run. -Phyllis Diller
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax
and get used to the idea. -Robert A. Heinlein
Plain women know more about men than beautiful ones do. But beautiful women don't need to know about men. It's the men who have to know about beautiful women. -Katherine Hepburn
Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps
they should live next door and just visit now and then. -Katherine Hepburn
A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more
often. -Oliver Herford
Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it. -Lyndon B. Johnson
You meet a lot of smart guys with stupid wives, but you almost never meet a smart woman with a stupid husband. -Erica Jong
Large increases in cost with questionable increases in performance can be tolerated only in race horses and women. -Lord Kelvin
On one issue at least, men and women agree; they both distrust women. -H.L. Mencken
I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
-Jerry Seinfeld
If you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything
done, ask a woman. -Margaret Thatcher
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. -Lana Turner
I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat. -Rebecca West, 1913
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just
intense negotiations every 28 days. -Robin Williams
A woman never forgets her age once she decides what it is. -Unknown