"Random thoughts for 2004" joke

1. Jesse Jackson, Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers Do More Than Lay People."

2. The difference between the Pope and your boss. ... The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

3. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.

4. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.

5. Just remember. .. if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

6. A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was "turn signal fluid."

7. My neighbor was bitten by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically on a piece of paper. I told him rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a Will. He said, "Will? What Will? I'm making a list of the people I want to bite!"

8. I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

9. Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

10. Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press "Ctrl - Alt - Delete" and start all over?