"Rant du jour - Contemporary acoustic-based folk singers" joke
Few things piss me off more than being forced to sit through some whiny-sounding crybaby shitbag from the suburbs with a moth-eaten thrift store wardrobe who knows a few chords on a guitar and thinks his histrionic emotions are important and relevant enough to occupy 45 minutes of stage time.
The song subjects never change, do they? It's always the same shit, the same re-hashed, contrived, stale tripe about climbing metaphorical mountains, chasing that elusive star in the sky and hoping to find that one true love that God placed in the universe especially for you. At least once in every song, make sure to rhyme the following word combinations - Why/Try, Love/Above, Star/Are, and You/True. Throw in a couple bridges with three straight minutes of drawn-out "Ooooohs" and "Ahhhhhhs" and "Oh yeahs", another two minutes of pointless masturbatory guitar-wanking filler, and make sure to close your eyes and tilt your head back in mid-song, as if you're somehow communicating telepathically with that lost love that inspired the shitty, pancreas-rottingly sweet and sappy song that you're boring us to fucking death with.
That's the other thing - I think it's safe to say that at least 75% of these barstool-sitting, pretentious coffeehouse wankers with pity-me haircuts have never had any sort of real tragedy or hardship in their lives, unless you count Valentine's Day in 7th grade when the beautiful girl in science class didn't have a Valentine for them, or the time that, like, their friend's Aunt died, and it was like, painful, you know? Yeah, man. She's like, not there to talk to anymore, and that's really sad and stuff. Yeah. I think that it's fairly easy for discerning ears to determine if you've been alienated from society your entire life, or if the greatest tragedy in your life was the time your parents made you share the car with your younger brother when he turned 16.
I don't really have a conclusion for this, but it just feels good to vent every now and then.
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