"Real Teachers" joke

Real teachers grade papers in the car, during commercials, in faculty lounges and have been seen grading in church.

Real teachers cheer when they hear April 1 does not fall on a school day.

Real teachers drive older cars owned by credit unions.

Real teachers clutch a pencil while thinking and make notes in the margins of books.

Real teachers can't walk past a crowd of kids without straightening up the line.

Real teachers have disjointed necks from writing on boards without turning their backs on the class.

Real teachers are written up in medical journals for size and elasticity of kidneys and bladders.

Real teachers have been timed gulping down a full lunch in 2 minutes, 18 seconds. Master teachers can eat faster than that.

Real teachers can predict exactly which parents will show up at Open House.

Real teachers never teach the conjugations of lie and lay to eighth graders.

Real teachers know it is better to seek forgiveness than to ask permission.

Real teachers know the shortest distance and the length of travel time from their classroom to the office.

Real teachers can "sense" gum.

Real teachers know the difference among what must be graded, what ought to be graded, and what probably should never again see the light of day.

Real teachers buy Excedrin and Advil in bulk.

Real teachers will eat anything that is put in the workroom/teacher's lounge.

Real teachers know secretaries and custodians run the school.

Real teachers hear the heartbeats of crisis; always have time to listen; know they teach students, not subjects; and they are absolutely non-expendable.