"Real software engineers" joke
Real software engineers don't read dumps. They never generate them, and on the rare occasions that they come across them, they are vaguely amused.
Real software engineers don't comment their code. The identifiers are so mnemonic they don't have to.
Real software engineers don't write applications programs, they implement algorithms.
Real software engineers don't program in a language that doesn't have recursive function calls.
Real software engineers don't debug programs, they verify correctness.
Real software engineers like C's structured constructs, but they are suspicious of it because they have heard that it lets you get "close to the machine."
Real software engineers admire PASCAL for its discipline and spartan purity, but they find it difficult to actually program in.
Real software engineers work from 9 to 5, because that is the way the job is described in the formal spec. Working late would feel like using an undocumented external procedure.
Real software engineers like writing their own compilers, preferably in PROLOG. Real software engineers regret the existence of COBOL, FORTRAN and BASIC. PL/I is getting there, but it is not nearly disciplined enough; far too much built in functions.
Real software engineers aren't too happy about the existence of users. Users always seem to have the wrong idea about what the implementation and verification of algorithms is all about.
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