"Realtor Terms" joke
When they say and what they really mean...
* SOPHISTICATED CITY LIVING - Next to a noisy bar.
* OLD WORLD CHARM - Has some woodwork, needs cleaning.
* CONTEMPORARY FEELING - Has no woodwork, needs cleaning.
* CLOSE TO LAKES - Impossible to park from April to October.
* WIDE OPEN FLOOR PLAN - Previous owner removed supporting walls.
* SECURITY SYSTEM - Neighbor has a dog.
* NEEDS TLC - Major structural damage.
* UPDATED KITCHEN - Sink no longer overflows.
* MOTIVATED SELLER - Has been on the market for 14 years.
* CONVENIENT - Located on freeway entrance ramp.
* MINT - Someone has spilled mouthwash on the carpet.
* NEUTRAL DECOR - No murals of nudes, or Elvis, but has brown walls.
* MOVE IN CONDITION - Front door missing.
* COZY - No room larger than 9 x 6.
* LOWER LEVEL FAMILY ROOM - Ping Pong table over sewer opening.
* LIGHT OPEN SPACES - Many holes in walls and ceiling.
* OUTSTANDING - Painted purple, sticks out like a sore thumb.
* A WEALTH OF PERIOD FEATURES - Yourself, dry rot, rising damp and an electrical circuit best operated in rubber gloves and wellies.
* BOX ROOM - Suitable for accommodating one or two large cardboard boxes. .. folded.
* BY PRIVATE TREATY - If it went to auction it would never reach the reserve price.
* COMPACT - Tiny.
* COUNTRY GENTLEMAN'S RESIDENCE - No longer suitable for agricultural tenants.
* DECEPTIVE APPEARANCE - It looks terrible.
* DELIGHTFUL RURAL LOCATION - In flight path of nuclear bomber base.
* EASILY MAINTAINED - Requires at least two gardeners and live-in maid.
* EXTENSIVELY MODERNIZED - Former DIY owner had a breakdown under the strain.
* FOR THE GARDENING ENTHUSIAST - Grounds like a jungle.
* LOCAL AUTHORITY GRANTS AVAILABLE - About to be condemned.
* MUCH SOUGHT AFTER - It's been on the market at least twice before and still no one wants it.
* OWNER EAGER TO SELL - If it goes within a week the subsidence cracks won't be noticed.
* PARTIAL CENTRAL HEATING - The room above the boiler can get warm in summer.
* PERIOD RESIDENCE - Built in the last two years.
* QUIET, SECLUDED SETTING - On site of proposed dormitory town.
* RARE OPPORTUNITY TO BUY - No one else want's it.
* SELECT NEIGHBORHOOD - Beside sewage works.
* SOLD - Unless idiots like you offer a higher price.
* SUBJECT TO NEW INSTRUCTIONS - They have just discovered death watch beetle.
* UNSPOILED - Planning permission granted for field next door.
* UNUSUAL FEATURES - No roof.
* UNUSUAL LOCATION - In the path of a projected motorway.
* USEFUL OUTBUILDINGS - No inside toilet.
* WELL SITUATED - In full view of the neighbors.
* WITHIN EASY DISTANCE OF - Next door to a pub and opposite a sex shop local amenities.
Not enough votes...