"Redneck Etiquette Guidelines" joke

PERSONAL HYGIENE:
While ears need regular cleaning, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.
Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
DINING OUT:
When decanting wine, make sure you tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine.
If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
Always leave a generous tip for good service. After all, their mobile home cost just as much as yours.
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME:
A table centerpiece should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
No matter how good your dog's manners are, never allow him to eat at the table.
WEDDINGS:
Livestock is usually a very poor choice for a wedding gift.
Although uncomfortable, do say yes to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
No matter how hot it may get while dancing, never remove undergarments.
DRIVING ETIQUETTE:
Always dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.
Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape.
When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires has the right of way.
When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.