"Redneck quickies 1" joke

You might be a redneck if...
More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.
You think the stock market has a fence around it.
You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.
You've ever lost a loved one to kudzu.
Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.
You've ever used lard in bed.
Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.
You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
You've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame