"Relaxation Techniques" joke

Feeling stressed out? Try some of these relaxation techniques...
Jam some tiny marshmallows up your nose and try to sneeze them out.
(This one is great to teach family members!)
Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on.
(This one is guaranteed to keep cats and men occupied for awhile.)
Use your Mastercard to pay your Visa bill.
(Even better if you call after doing it and say you didn't authorize it and want to know what the hell is going on!)
Take a box of condoms up to the check-out counter and ask the cashier where the fitting rooms are.
(If she's really attractive, be sure to ask if assistance in available.)
Put your kid's clothes on backwards, and send him/her off to school as if nothing's wrong.
(Creativity is a real possibility here - especially if you put a dress on your son.)
Dance naked in front of your pets.
(Not recommended for anyone who has a pet Gorilla!)
Read the dictionary backwards and look for subliminal messages.
(They're in there, trust me! I found 70 in just the A's!)