"Retractions by the NY Times in 1998" joke

The Top 13 Retractions Printed by the NY Times in 1998
13 "Correction: The cookie recipe in question costs $350, not $250 as previously reported."
12 "Earlier this year, the Times mistakenly reported that software magnate Bill Gates is a money-hungry, maladapted, socially awkward loser. He is, in fact, a bloodsucking cob-nobbler. The Times regrets the error."
11 "We wish to apologize for calling the former Australian Prime minister, Paul Keating, the lowest slime-ball in the country. We meant in THEIR country."
10 "Due to a typographical error yesterday, we mistakenly printed the entire Wall Street Journal under our banner. It should have been the Washington Post. Sorry."
9 "Okay, so it was a blue dress, not a red skirt. Get off our backs already!"
8 "In Thursday's edition of the Times, we erroneously reported the stories of five people who experienced bad luck as a result of not forwarding an e-mail message..."
7 "This mistake will never happen again. We apologize to the Top 5 subscribers, contributors and the list moderator, Chris Whitewater."
6 "Recently, pop singer George Michael was caught masturbating in a public restroom yesterday. He was not, as reported in this newspaper, actually choking a chicken."
5 "It has come to the attention of the Times that disk jockey Fred LeFebvre of KISS-FM in Toledo was not actually the recipient of a MacArthur 'Genius Grant.'"
4 "Evidently, there are no Klingons on Uranus after all. Sorry for the confusion."
3 "Our article describing O.J. Simpson as 'slashing out' over the prospect of losing his children contained a regrettable typo..."
2 "As it turns out, the Banana Republic dictatorship is actually just a clothing store."
and Top5's Number 1 Other Retraction Printed by the NY Times in
1998...
1 "Miss Lewinsky did not give the President a snow job, as reported in some editions yesterday."