"Rules for apartment living" joke

1. If someone calls while you are on the phone, do not answer the call waiting signals, after all your conversation to your boyfriend`s, cousin`s, sister`s, ex-best friend`s, father-in-law`s, stepson is probably too important to be interrupted.

2. Of course there is no need to record any messages on a piece of paper.

a. you would have to actually walk towards the kitchen to get to the pad of paper which requires that you write down a name and check off a few boxes

b. but more importantly, all roommates have mental telepathy and are aware that if you tell the party on the phone that he/she will be called back at the callee`s first free moment, the callee will telepathically be aware of this

3. Don`t buy anything for the apartment, use and abuse other roommates items until they are destroyed and wait for them to buy a new one (case example: the spatula).

4. Feel free to leave any and all dirty dishes wherever you please, certainly one of your roommates has taken classes in house-cleaning 101 and will clean up after you. Just because you are big enough to make a mess shouldn`t obligate you to be big enough to clean it up.

5. If you wake up at 6: 45 am and need to take a shower, be sure to lock the bathroom door! Your roommates should be able and considerate enough to drive to the nearest gas station to use the toilet. Also, make sure that you take a 40 minute shower--it really stinks when a roommate leaves for work early and you have to take the bus.

6. Leave all electrical appliances, especially the lights on at all times--we are paying for the apartment, and there is no need to conserve energy--let other less important people do that.

7. If you need to use the phone late at night and it is in your roommates room, be sure to wake them up when you go to remove it. It`s important that they know you are going to make a phone call to your dog!

8. Make sure that when you answer the phone you are as rude as possible to whoever is calling so that they won`t call back and bother you again--how dare they interrupt whatever it is that you are not doing!

9. Never, ever, ever, ever empty the trash--if your roommate won`t do it, just let the apartment stink. You were not born a garbage man, so why lower yourself to that level especially when you are a princess?

10. If your roommate has a car and drives to work, feel free to ride with her, but don`t bother to offer her any money for gas. This is the 90`s and gas is free for all Summer Interns.