"Santa on duty" joke
A new soldier, Banta, was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear: No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield.
A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back.
Banta said, "Halt, who goes there?"
The sergeant, who was driving, motioned to the back seat and said, "Brigadier."
"I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You have to have a sticker on the windshield."
The Brigadier yelled from the back, "Drive on!"
Banta replied, "Hold it! You really can't come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker."
The Brigadier repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on!"
Banta walked up to the rear window and said, "Sir, I'm new at this. Do I shoot you or your driver?"
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If Whoopi Goldberg married Peter Cushing, more...
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A cop pulled a guy over for speeding at which time the following conversation was exchanged:
Cop: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: Sorry, I don't have one. It was suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Cop: May I see the owner's card for the more...
Virgin Mary wanted to visit Hell, so she went to God and asked if she might do so. "Yes," God said. "I have only one warning for you. You must stay away from booze, drugs and men. Will you promise me so?" "Yes," Virgin Mary said. "And remember more...
Q: What do you get when you cross a giraffe with a hedghog?
A: A six-foot toothbrush.