"Scoring Points" joke

Below are excerpts about how guys can score points (or lose them) from their gals from "The Game of Romance: How to Keep Score" from Men's Health Magazine, November, 1996, p 110-115, along with some things that are just expected of guys, therefore having a score of zero:
Simple Duties
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You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners But retur You check out a suspicious n You check out a suspicious noise and You check out a suspicious noise and it You pummel it with It's her father: -10
So -- You stay by her side the You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college dri Na Tiffany Tiffany has implants: -8
Sat --- You visit You visit her parents and actually make You visit her parents and stare vacantly at th And the televi You spend the afternoon watching college football in yo And you didn't even go And it's not really your underwear: -15
Her Birthday
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You take her You take her out to dinner and it's not Okay, it is a And it's all-you-ca It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your fa You giv You give her a gift, and it's a smal You give her a gift, and it's not a sma You give her a gift, and it isn You give her a gift that you'll be paying off You wait until the last minute and buy her a gi With her And whatever you bought is two sizes too big: -40
Thoughtfulness
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You forget to pick her up at the Which is in Newark, And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast: -50
A Night Ou ---------- You have For every beer after And miss curfew b You get home You get home at 3 a.m. smelling of booze and c And not wearing Is that a tattoo? -200
A Night Out, Jus ---------------- You go He's crude You laugh: -5
You laug She's n You laugh harder: -25
Driving
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You lose the direction You lose the directions and end up g You end up getting lost in a bad p You get lost in a bad part of town & meet the locals up clos She finds out you lied about having a black belt: -60
Communication
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When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concern When she wants to talk, you listen, for ove You listen for more than 30 minutes, without looking at the television or picking up She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep: -10