"Sexy Timepiece" joke

A man is sitting at a bar one night, wearing a fancy new watch, covered with buttons and lights and dials. The woman next to him says, "Wow, that's a really fancy watch." "Thanks, says the guy, "It's the cutting edge of technology. I can telepathically ask this watch anything I want to know, and it'll answer me, telepathically." "Rubbish, you're having me on," says the girl. "No, it's true," says that guy. "Look, tell you what, I'll prove it. I'll ask it if you've got any panties on." The guy scrunches up his eyes for a moment, as if concentrating hard to talk to his watch, then opens them and says, "Nope, it says you haven't got any panties on." "Well, it's wrong," says the girl, "I do have panties on." "Damn," says the guy, slapping his watch, "it's an hour fast!" bar, drinking
A Day At The Races "A man is sitting at his kitchen table reading a newspaper.
His wife walks in with a frying pan and hits him with it.
The man asked "what was that for?"
The Woman replies "I was washing your pants last night and I found a piece of paper that says Mar Lou.
The man replies: When I was at the Horse races last week that was the name of my horse.
The woman understood and appologized.
(Three Days Later)
The woman walks in and hits him with an even bigger frying pan that knocks him out cold.
When he comes to he askes "what was that for?"
His wife replies: Your Horse Called.