"Shortest Books Ever Not Written" joke

HOW TO GET A TAN WITH A BLOWTORCH
HOW TO BE FUNNY by Gilbert Gottfried
MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS by O J Simpson
ZAGAT'S GUIDE TO CITIES WITHOUT A STARBUCKS
THE ENGINEER'S GUIDE TO FASHION
TO ALL THE MEN I'VE LOVED BEFORE by Ellen DeGeneres
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN REALITY AND DILBERT
FAST & EFFICIENT WINDOWS PROGRAMS
HUMAN RIGHTS ADVANCES IN CHINA
THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY by Dennis Rodman
THE WILD YEARS by Al Gore
BEATING A DRUG ADDICTION by Darryl Strawberry
AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC OCEAN
AMERICA'S MOST POPULAR LAWYERS
CAREER OPPORTUNITIES FOR LIBERAL ARTS MAJORS
DETROIT - A TRAVEL GUIDE
DIFFERENT WAYS TO SPELL BOB
DR. KEVORKIAN'S COLLECTION OF MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES
EASY UNIX
ETHIOPIAN TIPS ON WORLD DOMINANCE
EVERYTHING MEN KNOW ABOUT WOMEN
EVERYTHING WOMEN KNOW ABOUT MEN
FRENCH HOSPITALITY
GEORGE FOREMAN'S BIG BOOK OF BABY NAMES
HOW TO SUSTAIN A MUSICAL CAREER by Art Garfunkel
MIKE TYSON'S GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
SPOTTED OWL RECIPES
FRENCH MILITARY VICTORIES
STAPLE YOUR WAY TO SUCCESS
THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
THE BOOK OF VIRTUES by Bill Clinton
BEAUTY SECRETS by Janet Reno
HOME BUILT AIRPLANES by John Denver
HOW I BECAME A STUD by Kenny G
FUN WITH UNIX
How To Get To The Superbowl by Dan Marino
Things I Can't Afford by Bill Gates