"Signs you're going nowhere in The Northern Alliance hierarchy" joke

It was your job to frisk those prisoners in Konduz for weapons.
They send you out for baba ganoush and you come back with falafel.
You've been chief spokesman for three weeks and still wear the same brown jacket you did on Day One.
They have you on tape saying, "We will never take Kabul, better to stay up here with the mules."
Only one of your seven names is Abdullah.
Only American administration official who will return your call is Colin Powell.
Pushed strongly to drop "Northern Alliance" and go with "Taliban Lite."
The day before his death, Abdul Haq motioned you to sit and you replied, "Nah, I've been sitting all day."
No matter how much you study and how many times they explain it, you still have no idea what the hell a Pashtun is.
When they said, "Take off that burqua," they didn't mean you weren't still chattel, they just wanted you to dress more like Britney Spears.
Not only won't Christiane Amanpour bother to interview you, she won't even sleep with you. Daily Wonk Lists 2001