"Some Political Quotes" joke

Some Politicatl Quotes as collected in "They Said That!" by Larry Engelman

Like we say in Texas, if goofy ideas ever go to $40 a barrel, I want the drilling rights to Dick Armey's head.
Clinton advisor Paul Begala, 1998

If Jerry Brown is the answer, it must be a very peculiar question.
Sen. Lloyd Bentsen, 1992

This is Jerry Brown. Thanks for calling. And please do everything you can to assist and be an active member in the insurgent campaign to take back America. To speak to a live human being, dial zero.
-- Taped message on the Jerry Brown for President office phone in Santa Monica, Calif., 1992

She's not my type, let's put it that way. She wouldn't pass the test. Yes, the Bono test.
Sonny Bono, on Hillary Clinton, 1995

This year's elections are like a horse race. They end up exactly where they started. And when they're done, manure is everywhere.
Jay Leno, 1994

Many Americans would like to see the front ends of horses sent to Washington for final assembly.
Humorist Argus Hamilton, 1996

This town is in a panic mode. There is too much negative negabobbing.
Alexander Haig, 1990

There's cuts in both NASA and Medicare that Gingrich was proposing... 30% of Medicare costs are incurred in the last year of life, and NASA spends billions on astronaut safety, so my idea was to shoot the elderly into space.
Comedian and author Al Franken, 1996

He could easily become a singing Dan Quayle.
Political consultant Harvey Englander on Sonny Bono, 1993

There they are. Look at them -- See No Evil, Hear No Evil, and Evil.
Bob Dole, on being shown a photograph of ex-presidents Carter, Ford and Nixon, 1981

Close the door. She'll be in here for a while.
Bill Clinton, to Secret Service Officer Lewis Fox, who was posted outside the Oval Office, after Monica Lewinsky arrived for a presidential visit, 1995

Marijuana? Cocaine? I'm not going to talk about what I did as a child.
George W. Bush, 1999