"Ten Commandments For Stress Free Programming" joke

1. Thou shalt not worry about bugs.
Bugs in your software are actually special features.
2. Thou shalt not fix abort conditions.
Your user has a better chance of winning state lottery than getting the same abort again.
3. Thou shalt not handle errors.
Error handing was meant for error prone people, neither you or your users are error prone.
4. Thou shalt not restrict users.
Don’t do any editing, let the user input anything, anywhere, anytime. That is being very user friendly.
5. Thou shalt not optimize.
Your user are very thankful to get the information, they don’t worry about speed and efficiency.
6. Thou shalt not provide help.
If your users can not figure out themselves how to use your software than they are too dumb to deserve the benefits of your software any way.
7. Thou shalt not document.
Documentation only comes in handy for making future modifications. You made the software perfect the first time, it will never need mods.
8. Thou shalt not hurry.
Only the cute and the mighty should get the program by deadline.
9. Thou shalt not revise.
Your interpretation of specs was right, you know the users’ requirements better than them.
10. Thou shalt not share.
If other programmers needed some of your code, they should have written it themselves.