"Thanksgiving Weather Forecast" joke

In the pre-Thanksgiving rush, we have received an early
weather report from our in-house weather reporters. This is
one, you should be sure to email your Mom.
Turkeys will thaw in the morning, then warm in the oven to an
afternoon high near 190F. The kitchen will turn hot and
humid, and if you bother the cook, be ready for a severe
squall or cold shoulder.
During the late afternoon and evening, the cold front of a
knife will slice through the turkey, causing an accumulation
of one to two inches on plates. Mashed potatoes will drift
across one side while cranberry sauce creates slippery spots
on the other. Please pass the gravy.
A weight watch and indigestion warning have been issued for
the entire area, with increased stuffiness around the
beltway. During the evening, the turkey will diminish and
taper off to leftovers, dropping to a low of 34F in the
refrigerator.
Looking ahead to Friday and Saturday, high pressure to eat
sandwiches will be established. Flurries of leftovers can be
expected both days with a 50 percent chance of scattered soup
late in the day. We expect a warming trend where soup
develops. By early next week, eating pressure will be low as
the only wish left will be the bone.