"The Drunk" joke

A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and began fondling her.
She jumped up and slapped him silly.
He immediately apologized and explained, “I’m sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her. ”
“Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable asshole! ” she screamed.
That’s funny, ” he muttered, “you even sound exactly like her too! ”
I’m Cured!
A man walks into a bar, and orders a beer. He drinks the beer, then stands on the bar, drops his pants and pisses all over the place.
The bar tender freaks out. “You dirty disgusting pig! How dare you come into my bar and urinate! I’ll beat the shit out of you…”
The man begins crying. “I’m sorry! Its ruining my life. I can’t sleep. I do it every time I have a drink! It’s worrying me to death, please don’t hit me…”
The bar tender takes pity. “Look, I have a brother who is a psychiatrist, here’s his card, why don’t you see him? ”
The man hugs the bartender, shakes his hand and leaves with a thousand thank yous…
Six months later, the man walks into the bar, and orders a drink.
The bartender says, “Okay, here you go… Wait! Weren’t you that guy who.. ”
“Yes, And I went and saw your brother. He is fantastic, I am completely cured. ”
“Well, that’s great. This beer is on the house. ”
So the man drinks the beer, stands on the bar, drops his trousers and pisses on the bar.
“You bastard! I thought you said you were cured! ”
“I am! It doesn’t bother me anymore…”