"The Reason A Dog Has So Many Friends Is That He Wags His Tail Instead Of His Tongue." -Anonymous" joke

"Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful." -Ann Landers
"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die, I want to go where they went." -Will Rogers
"There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face." -Ben Williams
"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself." -Josh Billings
"The average dog is a nicer person than the average person." -Andy Rooney
"We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made." -M. Facklam
"If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons." -James Thurber
"A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down." -Robert Benchley
"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult." - Rita Rudner
"Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current events. The ground is a giant dog newspaper, containing all kinds of late breaking dog news items, which, if they are especially urgent, are often continued in the next yard." -Dave Barry
"And nobody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog." - Franklin P. Jones
"If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise." - Unknown
"Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend; inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." -Groucho Marx
"Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!" -Anne Tyler
"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea." -Robert A. Heinlein